Expendable
by smartkid37
Summary: Now that the line's been drawn, can the MCRT survive the fallout? What happens to Tim's career now? Will the team be able to fix what's broken between them or have they lost that opportunity for good? DIrectly follows "How Many TImes?" Might want to read that first
1. Chapter 1

Sitting back in his chaise lounge, the ocean in front of him and no other soul around, gave Tim McGee the serenity to release the tension, to allow it to finally begin to slide away, bringing a blessed numbness in its place. Here he was, just off the toughest conversation he had with Leon Vance since his stint in Cybercrimes three years ago, when the man had ordered him not to say a word about the work he was doing to Gibbs, and yet he was alive to tell the tale.

That order, to withhold information from Gibbs, given by the then newly installed NCIS Director, Leon Vance, had been the first nail of many driven right through the very foundation upon which Team Gibbs had been built. Hand crafted, actually, by Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Yet Tim had found the strength within himself to face the man and tell him something he never thought he would need to say.

**Flashback**

_"Director Vance. I know it's late but I need to talk to you when you have some time."_

_"All right, Agent McGee. I can spare you some time. What's on your mind?"_

_"Well, Sir. I need…I need to…" _

_"Spit it out, Agent McGee."_

_"Sir, I need to resign."_

_"Need?_

_"Yes, Sir."_

_"I'd like an explanation, Agent McGee." _

_"Yes, Sir. I know."_

_"Okay. I'm listening."_

_"Sir, I can't work on a team where absolutely no one has my back. There have been a few times over the years where I have had cause to question if I was expendable to this team. Over the last four months, I've discovered that I was right to question it, that's exactly what I've become to them. It's time for me to move on. "_

_"Explain."_

_"Director Vance, I'm not here to stir up trouble; especially from old cases. However, there have been quite a few examples over the years. The one that pushed it to the limit was what happened in Mexico."_

_"I understand that was a situation you managed to keep control of quite well, Agent McGee. I apologize for not saying something about this sooner, but you did an incredible job down there. You are to be commended for the way you handled the situation with the Reynosa Cartel. Keeping your cool and quickly thinking to offer your life for those of the students and Ms. Scuito is not something to soon be forgotten, Agent McGee. "_

_"Thank you, Sir. But the truth is, I lost control of that trip the minute Abby decided that she wasn't happy that I was the Agent assigned to protect her while she was in Mexico." _

"_When did that happen?"_

"_Before the two of us stepped into your office - the day we left, Director."_

"_I see. Go on. There had to be more to this."_

"_There was. When we got down to Mexico, Abby made it plain that what I had to say wasn't important. She completely blew off my cautionary orders as her protection detail. Her exact words were that I was being a party pooper. I should have seen it coming, since she's done it before - and again since then." Tim admitted with a touch of anger._

_"That incident in Mexico was over four months ago, Agent McGee. Why this decision now?"_

"_Director, I thought she'd learned from what happened in Mexico. Apparently, all she learned was that I would still be handed the blame for her actions. What happened just today has sharply reminded me of several incidents since then that have turned out very similar. The bottom line is I know that I am right about this. More importantly, it has gotten to the point where every single person on Gibbs' team is completely disregarding my safety and well-being. It's time for me to move on to a job where I'm not expendable to the people I work for or with." _

_"I certainly don't agree that you're expendable, Agent McGee. Care to explain?"_

_"No, Sir. I'd rather you read the reports in question, if that's all right."_

_"Agent McGee, I've read the case reports on every case your team has handled since the Mexico trip. I didn't find anything in any of the points to this decision of yours."_

_"No, Sir, you wouldn't. I wasn't referring to the official reports. I was referring to the personal ones I write for each case for this reason alone."_

_"Alright. What kind of notice are you giving me?"_

_"The minimum required so I won't adversely affect my record, Sir. I'm sorry, but I no longer feel safe working with this team."_

_"Agent McGee. An agent of your caliber and expertise does not come along very often and if you think this Agency is just going to allow itself to lose you, you're mistaken. Are you open to transferring to another position?" _

_"Honestly, Sir. Not really. Considering the reputation Gibbs' team has earned, walking away from it will be seen as a demotion and I don't believe it would look good on my record. In addition, I would never hear the end of it. That kind of scuttlebutt isn't something I'd wish on anyone."_

_"I'm sure I could find you a position that would be an obvious step up. Will you give me that chance?"_

_"Sir, as long as I'm genuinely qualified for the position, I'd be willing to consider that possibility."_

_"Good."_

_"Sir, __I have 30 days of Annual Leave__ that I haven't used. I know it's a lot to ask, but is there any way I could use some of that now?" _

_"Seems to me, you're due some vacation time. I can give you two weeks."_

_"Thank you, Sir."_

_"All right. I'll have options available for you when you come back.."_

_"Sir, if you don't mind, I'd like to leave my agency phone here during that time and I'd rather not have anyone here knowing where I am."_

_"I have no problem with that."_

_"Thank you, Director."_

_"Just one thing before you go, Agent McGee."_

_"Sir?"_

_"I want a list of every case that helped lead you to this decision."_

_"Sir?"_

_"I want the case number for every case that has contributed to this decision."_

_"Yes Sir. I'll take care of that right away." _

_"Agent McGee, I also want every one of the corresponding personal reports you just spoke of. I have to ferret out the real problem here and where it came from, how long it's been going on and how to stop it. I need all the information I can get if I'm going to be able to prevent this from ever happening again."_

_"I'll get them to you before I leave the building today, Sir."_

_"You have my word, Agent McGee. Whatever you give me to read that is not in those official reports, will not be added even now. Doesn't mean I won't be having a nice long talk with whomever I need to, but I will see to it that the official information doesn't change."_

_"Thank you, Director."_

_"Good. Carry on, Agent McGee."_

_**End Flashback**_

Tim had no idea what options Vance would offer him, but the younger man was nervous about the whole situation. Truth be told, Vance was responsible in the first place for the sense of being expendable to the agency. The minute the Director had demanded that Tim not be honest with Gibbs, he understood the agency head did not care one bit about the trust that had been built up between Gibbs and his team. It didn't matter if Gibbs felt he could no longer trust his agents, because after all, Vance had no plan to put the team back together.

_Officer David: the liaison position with NCIS is being terminated.__  
__McGee... I'm moving you across to the cyber crimes unit.__  
__DiNozzo... you've been reassigned. Agent afloat; USS Ronald Reagan. Pack your bags-__  
__you fly out tomorrow.__  
__Agent Gibbs... meet your new team._

In fact, looking back now at Vance's demeanor and attitude when he first showed up, it was easy to see and believe the newcomer had manipulated the whole ordeal, counting on the team breaking up on a much deeper level than just physically being separated. His demands had been the tool he used to crack through the foundation of trust, faith and security that made up the walls of solidarity that surrounded Team Gibbs. Obviously, Vance had been a hell of a lot more successful than even he had realized.

It hadn't been anything Gibbs had said but it had certainly been in his eyes every time he looked at Tim during the course of that case. Even when the case had been solved, or so they'd thought at the time, things hadn't improved much, with the exception of Tim being brought up out of the basement and returned to Gibbs' team. The fact that it had been done with no spoken word between Gibbs and him, confirmed it for Tim. He was left wondering why the hell Gibbs had even asked for him back, if he even had done so or if Vance had just decided he was no longer needed in Cybercrimes since the case had been cracked.

It had been great to have Ziva back and back on the team. Seeing the way Gibbs had welcomed her back had established that the boss was emotional when he allowed himself to be. He did care when he allowed himself to, as he obviously did with Ziva. When the next case came from Tony, Tim was once again brought up short by the way in which the boss allowed himself to show that he cared. Again, it drove home the painful truth that Tim himself was not on that list of people Gibbs cared about enough to let them see it.

_I really need to come home, Boss.__  
__I'm working on it.__  
__DiNozzo.__  
__Pa?__  
__You take care of yourself.__  
__Miss you, too, Dad.__  
_  
Getting Tony back to the team had been a realistic expectation and a necessary step in putting things back to rights for the team as a whole. However, the Senior Field Agent's return had been an even bigger revelation for Tim.

_It was a long four months. I've got to say it's great to be home. Not that I didn't think I wouldn't be coming back because...__  
__Gibbs smiles at Tony and shakes his hand in welcome_.

It had been at _that_ moment, when Gibbs had shaken Tony's hand to welcome him back _and_ had done it with a huge smile on his face that Tim had finally understood that his fears had been well founded. Vance had splintered Team Gibbs; or at least had splintered Gibbs and Tim, even while allowing; expecting them, even, to once again work together as if nothing had transpired. And Tim had immediately been returned to the position of _'the one that doesn't need to be shown we care'._

No matter what else had happened between then and now, Tim still held the belief that Vance, in making those first decisions as Director, threw that one crucial element out the window without a care in the world as to how it would affect them as individuals. Trust.

Sure, the needs of the Agency came first, always would. But those needs could not be adequately met if the people responsible for carrying out the work couldn't trust the people they worked with and didn't feel safe working with them. Everything he'd seen since then, had only served to solidify that comprehension.

To be honest, Tim admitted to himself that the first time he felt like he didn't matter as an individual, specifically, that whether he lived or died hadn't mattered, had been at Pax River. They'd landed that case of the drug ring on the base, went to serve a warrant and he'd been attacked by an 80 pound coked-up German Shepherd. He got the simple message Gibbs had sent when he and Ducky had, carelessly and without regard to Tim's injuries or any shock he may have been experiencing, ordered Tim to drive the dog that had just attacked him back to the Navy Yard. '_Punishment and complete disregard for your welfare. You do not matter.'_

_Abby's behavior, while worst of all, couldn't be thrown on the pile with the rest of the team, simply because no one else had been privy to the less than decent way she treated Tim. The exception to that, of course was the crappy way she spoke to him out at the Base when she snippily told him to put a muzzle on himself. That, certainly should have gotten the boss's attention as to how she was behaving towards him._

Tony's stunt of putting the "When Dogs Attack" cd in Tim's computer and rigging it to start when he touched his mouse, not even a full 24 hours after Tim had been attacked and bitten, was another prime example. There was complete disregard for his health and wellbeing, both physically and emotionally. With no warning, an 80-Pound dog had FLOWN through the open door and attacked Tim's jugular and arm.

Tim had still been feeling the pain and after-effects from the injuries and life-threatening situation, when Tony had followed up the attack with that prank. Since there had been no consequences for the Senior Field Agent, what there had been, quite obviously, was a complete disregard for Tim's health or even realization that it was a terror Tim didn't deserve to have to relive for the sake of a sick joke by his juvenile and thoughtless teammate.

Tim could very well have had a heart attack right then and there, and chances were that Tony would have just found _that _sidesplitting hilarious on top of everything else. Ziva's laughter hadn't helped. But the worst had been Gibbs and his blasé attitude about it. That had certainly driven the point home.

"_Just like my team, all bark and no bite." In other words: Nothing that had happened to Tim, no matter who the culprit, mattered one iota." _

There had been other incidents before and after that where he'd taken the fall for Abby, as well as incidents where his welfare hadn't mattered to his boss; the one person above all others on the team who was supposed to care and safeguard the most.

All of this had left Tim feeling beaten and with no place to turn now. He drew in a deep breath and slowly let it back out. _How could he have done things differently? Where had he screwed up? There was little doubt that he had. He'd never claimed to be or believed himself to be better than anyone else or even perfect. Sure, there'd been times he'd acted dumb or jealous or fed up and angry. He was human with plenty of mistakes, and things he wished he could take back, under his belt. Who didn't?_

The more Tim thought about where things stood between him and the team now, the more unhappy he felt. He hated that he was doing the ole _'cut and run'_ crap. It had pissed him off when Gibbs had done it. Hell, it had hurt like hell when the boss had abandoned the team and fled to Mexico. But the man had been living through a horrendous ordeal and so it had been a lot easier to let go of everything and just be happy his boss was alive and most likely on his way to as full a recovery as possible.

When Gibbs had come back, everyone had been so wrapped up in how the changes were affecting Tony that no one seemed to give a rat's butt about how the whole mess had affected the rest of the team. The trust that had been crucial, earned and given, was now taken for granted and abused repeatedly, during that time and countless times since then. So little of it was now left, he found he could no longer stand to be in the same room very long with any of them.

The trouble was that no matter how hurt, betrayed, used or disregarded he felt, they were still a family; knitted together from the fabric of everything they'd been to each other and been through with each other in the past six years. And family didn't just walk away when things got dicey.

_Never leave a man behind_

That long-standing principle of the former Marine had somehow been systematically ignored when it concerned Tim's welfare. And yet Tim had trouble accepting the changes that were coming. He'd set them in motion in the heat of the moment, filled with complete frustration and betrayal from his team; most especially the one member who had never, ever before failed to watch out for him and keep the others in check.

Ducky had been his lifeline when all the others had so carelessly disregarded him or treated him as their main source of entertainment. He'd been the surrogate Uncle who could always be counted on to be there for you. They all relied on the M.E. to keep Gibbs in check and even Director Vance had shown that he knew that.

But now, after the hot tub incident, Tim felt a deep sense of betrayal from the one person he'd never in a million years expected to let him down – and certainly never so spectacularly. He'd been so seriously let down, he wasn't sure he had the ability to get back up this time. _Guess that's why I took the easy way out._

_Wait a damn minute! Easy way? Hardly! Hell, I've been bustin' my ass puttin' up with this crap for how long now? Since nobody seems to be interested in speaking up, I deserve to speak up for myself. I shouldn't have to be ANYBODY'S scapegoat! Easy way, my foot!_

_But I don't want this! I don't want to stop being a Field Agent just because they can't stop treating me like that. Hell, I don't want a promotion that takes me away from doing what I love doing! Why should I have to give up anything? _

_I don't know how to fix this mess!_


	2. Chapter 2

"This sucks!" Tony muttered as he got up from his desk for the umpthteenth time that morning and once again began pacing the squad room.

"Tony! We have already discussed this! McGee has only been gone for one day and you are already acting as if he has never been away from us before!" Ziva bit out angrily, fed up with Tony's restlessness, even if she did completely understand it, or at least, thought she did.

Tony stalked over to her desk, anger radiating off of him. "So you're perfectly okay with this?"

"No, of course I am not! I, too, wish things had not come to this." Ziva replied quietly as she stood up from her own chair and walked around her desk to stand beside him.

"Then what's your point, Ziva?" The anger was still present even if the volume had been turned down, as had been her intention when she'd joined him at the front of her own desk.

"Work's still gotta get done, DiNozzo." Gibbs calmly interjected as he entered the squad room at that point, his usual cup of coffee in hand. "Can't lay down on the job just because we're a man down. You heard Vance, new agent will be assigned to us by the end of the week if we don't choose one ourselves. Better get on that."

"Gibbs!" Abby's distressed cry preceded her into the squad room as she flashed through their workspace, a blur of color in motion.

"Abbs?" Gibbs asked calmly even as he held onto her in the midst of her normal bone-crushing hug.

"Get him back here." She ordered petulantly as she pulled back from him to look him in the eye.

"Abby!" he quietly warned her she was demanding the impossible.

"Seriously, Gibbs! We can't let him go like this!"

Gibbs looked at each of his team members in turn. There was no doubt they were already feeling the pain of having their teammate leave the team, especially considering the reasons he had given Vance for needing to 'move on'.

The question in Gibbs' mind was whether or not his team members had mentally manned up and accepted their own responsibility in this mess. It had taken Gibbs the better half of the past weekend to do it himself and there was plenty more he was still trying to process, sort through and accept.

He'd always been a stubborn bastard and he hadn't changed over the years. Knowing that that truth was half the reason for this mess had been the first chunk of responsibility he'd had to swallow and it had hurt like hell going down. Now he knew he had to take this bull by the horns and deal with it, even if it meant dragging it down to the mud to get it taken care of.

Taking a deep breath, he slowly let it out and picked up his desk phone, hitting the extension button he needed and speaking:

Busy?

"_Hello, Jethro. As a matter of fact, at the moment, I am not busy. What is it you need?"_

"Palmer down there with you?"

"_Yes, he's just arrived."_

"Good. We'll be down in a minute."

"_Might I ask…?"_ Ducky started to inquire, that is, until his ears heard the tell tale click of the call being ended.

Setting the reciever back down on the cradle, Gibbs picked up his cup of coffee and started walking toward the back elevator. "Let's go." His tone was unusually quiet as his brain was continuing to figure out how to fix this mess, needing to get this conversation over with; hoping it could be fixed.

The ride down to Autopsy was eerily silent, considering the elevator was full with the four of them. Not one of them had anything to say. As they trouped into Ducky's domain, the silence was only broken by the 'swoosh' of the automatic doors.

"Take a seat." The boss requested at large of the room's population. His tone was noticeably still quiet yet stern and all of them realized he was unhappy and still meant business. "You too, Jimmy."

Taking a minute to look at each silent face now before him and thinking of the one face so clearly missing, Gibbs took a deep breath and slowly let it out before he spoke. Deliberately looking at Ducky last, he finally began.

"I don't know if we can fix this the way you're expecting it to be fixed."

"What do…?" Abby attempted to jump in, but was stopped cold by the impatient look Gibbs gave her.

Looking away from her, he kept going. "Any of you figure it out yet?"

"Figure what out, Boss?" Tony asked quietly.

"How to take responsibility for your own part in this disaster." Ducky quietly answered. "Jethro, may I…"

Gibbs nodded silently and hefted himself up onto the one Autopsy table that let him face the rest of his team as they sat scattered on the others.

"I spoke with Director Vance at length yesterday and suffice to say that, although Timothy has technically requested he be removed from your team, it is not an irreversible situation."

"Hey, that's great!" Tony let his relief show.

"Anthony, please! You must hear me out first before you begin your celebrating." Ducky quietly admonished him.

"Sorry, Ducky."

"Now, although it is as I stated, not irreversible; it is highly unlikely, for the simple fact that Timothy vacated his position on your team under great emotional stress, a decision he felt _forced_ to make, I might add. He not only earned this position, he has always taken great pride in it and in himself for having earned his place here. That is why he allowed himself to lay aside his sense of self-preservation, time and time again, to do as he was ordered to do and tolerate whatever treatment was delivered to him; or in Abigail's case; emotionally dared or blackmailed at you will, to do. In short, Timothy left your team because he no longer felt safe being on it. He no longer trusts that we have his safety, best interests or even his well-being at heart. "

The tangible sorrow filled the silence that followed the M.E's chastisement and it seemed to go on forever before it was broken. Amidst Abby's sniffles, Gibbs' pained silence and the bossman's earlier request that the Autopsy gremlin be present for this, Tony threw out something that needed clarifying as he noticed not only Ducky's tone but his expression of shared guilt as well. "You mean us, as in, the boss, Ziva, Abby and me, right?"

"No, Anthony. Unfortunately, I mean us as in every single one of us in this room," Ducky replied without missing a beat.

Tony looked from the M.E. to his boss and back again. _Gibbs believes this too? _"Boss?"

"Go, on, Duck." Gibbs instructed quietly while deliberately not answering Tony's quest for confirmation.

"Until the case last week with the red tagged hot tub, Timothy, it seems, has always counted on my ingrained sense of fairness and unilateral concern for each of you, all aspects of your health and well-being. He also counted on my ability to be Jethro's voice of reason on such matters, whenever it seemed that your Team Leader was not thinking clearly on such things. His buffer, if you will, between what he was forced to deal with and my intervening when I felt it necessary for either safety or sanity's sake."

"Oh, no! Oh, man! And I just stood…." Jimmy lamented with abject guilt and regret as his brain already put the pieces together of why he was included in this conversation.

"Yes, Mr. Palmer, as did I." Ducky replied as he gave his assistant a look of compassion. "I failed not only to put a stop to your insensitive and useless prattle and joking while Timothy was being ordered to do something that put his health at risk, in spite of his objections and requests for better safety measures; but I also failed to insist on waiting for those very safeguards which he asked be put in place so that he could do his job without putting his health at risk.

In short, I stood by and did nothing and said nothing, thereby sending Timothy the message that I too, have come to think very little, if not nothing of his health, safety and well-being. In all the time Timothy has been with NCIS, he has always held onto the trust and faith he had for myself and Mr. Palmer to speak up and keep him just as safe as the rest of you, especially when he felt the rest of you weren't or in some cases, couldn't speak up."

Silence took over for a long minute before it was broken with an angry question from Abby.

"So, you're saying McGee quit the team because of that stupid hot tub? THAT'S why he's not coming back?"

"Abby. Think you need to go back over in your head, what Vance said to you _specifically_." Gibbs spoke up with more than a hint of annoyance in his tone. "Matter of fact, all of us do."

"Abigail, if Timothy were giving up his position simply because of the hot tub incident, he would have done so _before_ this latest case. The case in which you deliberately allowed yourself to become unavailable after ditching him when he was charged with keeping you safe; or when you treated him so reprehensibly, deliberately disregarding his orders, putting your life and those of your innocent students in danger, while in Mexico. Now, while I agree with Jethro in principle, the practice of doing something about this decision of Timothy's; of getting him to even consider returning to this team, will have to be approached with caution. Timothy left his cell phone with Director Vance and does not wish to be contacted while he is on his long overdue vacation."

"How long will he be gone?" Ziva asked quietly.

"I have not been made privy to that information. I believe that is to keep me from being able to relay it back to you. Timothy was quite serious when he told Director Vance that he needed some time for himself. He truly wishes to speak to none of us. And that, my dear friends, should speak louder to you than anything else you've heard."

"Back to work, all of ya's. Just remember, _none_ of this leaves this room." Gibbs ordered even as he remained sitting on the table. "Palmer, go get some coffee, from the coffee shop down the street."

When the room had emptied out except for himself and Ducky, Gibbs turned to his long-time friend. "Be straight with me, Duck. Am I gonna get him back?"

"Jethro, only Timothy can answer that. However, I do believe he will have some rather choice questions for you first, should you choose to try to talk to him about this. It is well known that your choice for working things out, is not to do so, as if taking that route will somehow make the problem go away. Be warned, this time that will not only _not_ work, but will drive Timothy away for good."

"You talk to him yet?"

"No, I have not. I am honoring Timothy's request to be left alone. I'm afraid the only thing I can do is hope he will find it within himself to give me the opportunity to at least apologize to him. At this point, I'm not even certain he will be able to forgive me."

"This being the first time he's ever felt you didn't have his back, he'll probably be more willing to forgive you more than the rest of us, Duck." Gibbs offered encouragingly."He's never before held a grudge against anyone."

"Don't be so sure, Jethro. My letting him down this way is bound to have hurt him deeply. I was the last person on the team he could trust, the last and only defense against a team he no longer trusts, that he had come to believe had no regard for him or his safety. As I said, he's always trusted me. Although he's said nothing to the contrary since that day, I am most positive that he no longer wishes to even speak to me, at least until he can come to some sort of understanding with himself about what to do with everything he's feeling. You must understand that there is a tremendous difference between keeping a grudge and not allowing yourself to be vulnerable to the same hurts and misplaced trust again."

"Does he still stay in touch with his sister?"

"I do not know. He rarely speaks of her and only when he is asked about his plans for the holidays."

"Yeah. Come to think of it, you're right. Thanks, Duck."

"You're quite welcome, Jethro. You will advise me of whatever plan you've cooked up when it's ready, won't you?" Ducky quipped.

With a sad version of his usual smirk, Gibbs left autopsy and headed back to his desk.


	3. Chapter 3

By day two of his self-imposed hiatus, Tim has thought himself into a full-blown migraine. With no medication and very little ability to maneuver himself around through the onslaught of pain and nausea, he finds himself at the unrelenting mercy of its attack. He's lying in the middle of the bathroom floor of his chosen hideaway, where he'd stumbled much earlier and fallen, unable to help himself do anything but be tossed helplessly through wave after wave of its fury.

Time marches on, having lost all meaning for the young man whose silent tears of pain have gone unseen and whose groans of agony have gone unheard. Sleep comes intermittently and is the only blessed relief to be found when it chooses to appear. He never hears his burn phone ringing. For two days, Tim hears nothing but the roaring in his ears and his own mind screaming for help.

Nobody comes because nobody hears his cries.

*****NCIS*****

For two days, Team Gibbs struggles to regain their footing while still carrying on with their jobs working through cold cases. Each finds themselves wishing for a new case, although sad at the thought of working one without Tim. Discontented sighs are periodically heard throughout these first few days; almost as loudly as the pained silence that rules in-between the inarticulate expressions of sorrow.

Mid-morning of the third day without Tim finds Sarah McGee being escorted up to the squad room, her face a picture of worry and fear as she's brought to stand before the Team Leader's desk.

Gibbs looks up at the young woman's approach, nodding her escort away before he's even spoken the unnecessary words. Gibbs himself speaks first, his need for the answer prevalent. "Sarah. What's wrong? Why are you here?"

"I can't reach Tim." She answers tremulously, too worried for her brother to even be concerned about how this makes her look to his boss.

"He's taking some time off – doesn't want to be disturbed." Tony answers the question he hasn't been asked, as he walks up to her from across the room.

"I'm aware that my brother doesn't want to be disturbed, Agent DiNozzo; by you or by NCIS. That doesn't apply to me. I don't hurt him or betray his trust the way all of you do" Sarah angrily retorts as she glares briefly at him.

Turning her attention back to the man she wants the answers from, she continues on." My point is he's not answering the burn phone he took with him. Something's wrong." She angrily brushes away the tears that have escaped, blinking hard as she strives to put the cap back on her emotional overload.

"How can you be certain of that?" Ziva asks gently as she now joins the group that has assembled in front of Gibbs' desk.

"Because he promised me that only two people had the number and that he would answer every time either of them called him" Sarah informs them haughtily. "He hasn't. For the past two days now, he hasn't answered the phone. I'm telling you something's wrong!"

"You are one of the two people who have this number, yes?" Ziva asks for clarification.

"Of course." The younger woman replies as if they should have already known that was the only reasonable answer to the question.

"Okay. Who's the other person?" Tony's curiosity bands together with concern and makes itself known in the tone of his question.

"Me." Vance answers as he walks up to the group with Ducky walking beside him. "And I happen to agree with Ms. McGee's assessment. This is why Dr. Mallard will be accompanying her to her brother's location and making sure nothing has happened to him."

"Thank you, Sir." Sarah answers shakily, as her emotions still seem to get the best of her.

To their credit, no one shows any further disregard for her intuitive concern, instead, their moods falling in line with her on the possibility that she's right.

"Get going. You'll want to be there before dark." Vance urges sympathetically.

"Wait, you don't want of us to go with them, make sure no foul play's involved?" Tony questions earnestly.

"I'm not in the habit of forcing my people to have their personal lives subjected to unwelcome company against their will, Agent DiNozzo. _Especially_ in light of why Agent McGee has taken this leave in the first place!"The Director retorts angrily.

By now, Gibbs has left his desk and approached his boss, stealthily; without speaking a word. He gestures for them to move the conversation to a more private venue. As the two of them engage Gibbs' 'office', the Team Leader is quick to get to the point. "Tony's right. I'm not willing to sit here and do nothing when there's a chance McGee's in trouble and needs us."

"You really have no faith in his abilities at all, do you, Gibbs?" Vance asks in disappointment. "As soon as you hear he hasn't answered his phone for two days, you jump to the conclusion that he's done something stupid and screwed up."

"Not what I said, Leon. I know McGee. He would never go this long without answering his phone! Obviously, you've tried to call him and gotten no answer or you wouldn't be down here agreeing with Sarah or sending Ducky to check on him! Let us at least be within reach in case he _is_ in trouble. We're nowhere close to being able to help him from here."

"And you would know this how, Gibbs?"

"You just told Ducky he had to leave now to get there before dark. That's five hours from now! You're forgetting something, too. You can't seriously consider sending Ducky into an unknown situation alone like this, Leon."

Vance thinks about it for a minute. He knows that underneath the cold exterior of the man before him, lays the heart of a father, even if the silver-haired man forces himself not to let himself admit it to those he's entrusted to look after and protect on the job. Seeing this part of him rise to the surface for the one he's formerlytreated shabbily feels like 'too little, too late' as far as Leon's concerned, but still the gut feeling of the formidable former Marine can't be ignored; especially since he's right. On both counts. It is most likely that something serious has caused Tim to go off grid. And he cannot in all good consciousness send the elderly M.E. alone into whatever that serious situation happens to be.

Without wasting any more time, Vance whips out his cell phone and makes a call. "Change of plans; going to need that plane after all. Five seats. …Okay… Thank you." Snapping his phone shut, he glares at the Team Leader. "Go. Your team damn well better stay out of the way once McGee's been located and you had better only cross his path _if _he needs your help. I'm placing Dr. Mallard in charge of that call. You don't speak to Agent McGee or even get close enough to him to see him, until Dr. Mallard deems it absolutely necessary and says so. Are we clear?"

"Crystal." Gibbs answers calmly without argument since, in light of the agent's adamant request for complete solitude, he agrees with Ducky that the request should be honored. He snaps the elevator back online. Almost before the doors are open, the Team Leader is out of there and barking his orders to his team. "Gear Up! Let's Go!"

"GIBBS! GIBBS! GIBBS!" Abby cries as she runs up to him from across the squad room. "I'm coming too!"

"No!" Gibbs responds quickly and firmly.

"Absolutely not." Vance argues with reinforced steel in his tone.

"Director!" Abby argues in shock. "He's my Timmy! I have to be there!"

"This some kind of a game to you, Abby?" Sarah demands angrily as she pulls away from the M.E. and advances threateningly toward the Lab Rat. "You've done nothing but humiliate him and treat him like your favorite puppy on a good day!"

Ziva reaches out and snags Sarah's arm with enough force to slow her down until she actually stops just short of invading Abby's personal space, even as her angry tirade continues as if she hasn't been interrupted.

"Your bad days are even worse; treating him like crap and letting him take the rap for your selfish decisions to break the rules! You're not going anywhere near my brother! You're the reason he's walking away from the job he busted his ass to earn and keep!"

Pulling away from Ziva, Sarah turns back toward Vance. "Can we go now? Please?"

"Certainly, my dear." Ducky finally speaks into the tense silence that has descended on them like a shrouded mist. "Jethro, we shall be waiting for you at the airport."

"Right behind you, Duck." Gibbs promises as he looks at his team and gestures for them to gear up.

Watching Ducky escort Sarah McGee to the elevator Gibbs breathes out a frustrated sigh as he returns to his desk, shuts down his workstation and puts on his own gear.

"Can't believe she just spoke to me like that." Abby fumes to no one in particular.

Gibbs steps up to her and quietly speaks in her ear. "Think you'd better start counting yourself lucky not to be on the receiving end of a written reprimand to begin with. I'd stop making so much fuss if I were you."

"What? Gibbs! YOU didn't think I'd done anything wrong! Why should anyone else?" she demands hotly.

"Not exactly objective where you're concerned, Abby. You know that. Hell, everyone knows that." Gibbs reminds her calmly. "Not so sure you wanna be poking that hornet's nest right now."

Without another word, Gibbs leads Tony and Ziva to the elevator, leaving Abby alone in the squad room, with a most unhappy Director Vance.

*****NCIS*****

The plane ride to the private airstrip is conducted in a very uncomfortable silence. It hadn't take a genius to realize that Sarah McGee remains extremely pissed that Team Gibbs has been given permission and the resources to invade her brother's vacation. Being sensitive to her point of view and her feelings, no one on the team attempts to force her into a conversation with them, choosing instead to maintain their thoughtful silence.

Within three hours since leaving NCIS, the group, splitting into two rental cars, is racing towards a secluded South Carolina beach house towards their brother and former teammate, who has inexplicably fallen off the grid. With Ziva driving Ducky and Sarah in the lead sedan, they pull into the private driveway of the house Tim is renting.

As Ziva turns the ignition off, she looks at the younger woman in the car. "Sarah, do you know if this house has a back door?" .

"Yes it does."

"Very well, please wait here until we clear the house."

"Until you do what? This is our family's vacation home. You don't need to do your 'special agent' thing here!"

"Sarah, in our work, when we arrive at a building, where something may have happened, no matter how, _'secure'_ it seems, when we do not know what has occurred, we search it before anything else, making sure there is no one hiding or hurt or no damage has been done. We call it 'clearing' a building. We need to do that now; it is why we have come with you. It is the only reason we are here. And it is necessary before we can allow you and Dr. Mallard in."

"I don't like this. You can't go in there unannounced like Tim's a criminal!" Sarah tells her in complete disagreement.

"That is not what we are doing, Sarah. We need to be sure the house is secure, that nothing… bad has happened. You, yourself are concerned that something has happened to your brother, yes?" Ziva gently explains as she gears up as if preparing to go out in the field. "We need to locate your brother and we cannot allow you or Doctor Mallard to go in without knowing for certain the house is safe."

"Oh." Sarah sits back in defeat. "Well, I hope Tim doesn't see you and gets upset because he doesn't get why you're here like this."

"Gonna have to risk it." Gibbs reinforces, as he and Tony both come to stand beside Ziva, ready to start a perimeter search. Knowing that in all likelihood, the one Tim is least upset with is Ziva, he instructsTony to back her up going in the front door while he, himself prepares to handle the back of the house.

Left behind in the car, Ducky tries to reassure Sarah, that although this 'invasion' is exactly what Tim would not want, it is an absolutely necessary order of steps to follow in order to insure that nothing bad has happened to him. "Do relax, my dear. We'll know very soon, don't panic. This is our standard operating procedure and I'm quite sure your brother would insist upon it if he knew. He would never forgive us for putting you at risk."

"I guess…"

They will not invade your brother's space any more than absolutely necessary. What you can do, my dear, is wait until the team is at the door and then call his burn phone. If they hear it ring inside, that might give them some idea of where in the house to look for Timothy. Then Ziva will open the door and they will make sure the house is safe. Once they know that, they will exit and you can go in."

"All right, Dr. Mallard, I've seen Tim do that in his apartment. When that gang found out where he lived, he wouldn't let me be there without him there and one time when we arrived together, he cleared the apartment before he would let me get out of my car."

"There, you see? I'm sure he explained this all to you then, didn't he?" Ducky reminds her soothingly.

"Yeah. I know you're right. I just hope Tim doesn't freak out. "

"I believe, as you do, that it is a good thing his team is here to check on him."

"Meaning, you think something's happened to him, too."

Ducky remains silent at the voiced sentiment he hasn't been able to shake since this all came to light.

"When they tell us we can go in, you'll come with me, right, Dr. Mallard?" Sarah interrupts his thoughts to ask.

"I feel it necessary to advise you, my dear that Timothy is just as angry with me right now as he is with the others." Ducky warns her.

"That may be, but, if he's hurt, he'll need your help. That's why you're here, right?" She insists as her attention remains locked on what Ziva is doing. "Why are they not going in? What's she doing?"

Ducky looks out to see Ziva, pulling her lock picking tool from her pocket and getting to work on the door.

"She's going to pick the lock. Apparently, your brother's door is locked.

.

*****NCIS*****

Gibbs heads to the back door. Ziva picks the lock on the front door, Tony standing to the side with his weapon drawn. She knows this will scare Sarah, but they need to follow procedure. Nodding at Ducky, Ziva sees him speak to Sarah and the young woman raises her cell phone to her ear.

Hearing a ring tone, Ziva and Tony enter with weapons drawn; both of them hearing Gibbs enter the back; each of the three call out as they clear the house, moving toward the bathroom, the general direction from where they'd heard the phone ringing. The team scours the house, all of them casting their eyes carefully around each room they walk through.

It's Gibbs who finds his seemingly lifeless former agent strewn on the floor of the small bathroom floor; his heart jumping up in his throat at the sight before him now. "Tim!"

Immediately he bends down on one knee and sends his fingers to the young man's neck for a pulse. It's with a huge sigh of relief that he feels the normal, steady beat under his shaking finger; immediately whipping out his cell phone to call the waiting M.E.

"Duck, McGee's collapsed inside the bathroom doorway. Can we go ahead and move him?"

"_Oh, dear heavens! Do not move him yet, Jethro. Let me check him over first."_

"Got it." Gibbs snaps his phone shut.

"Boss?" Tony asks worriedly as he comes to a standstill behind him.

"Can't move him til Ducky looks him over."Gibbs instructs as he stands up straight once more.

"UGH! That smell! Probie must have gotten sick. Oh, I think I'm gonna be sick myself!" Tony reacts badly.

_***Thwack***_

"Sorry, Boss. I just need a second." Tony takes himself to the kitchen.

"Do you think he has been there all this time?" Ziva wonders sadly as she joins them there.

"Pretty safe bet since he hasn't answered his phone all this time." Gibbs breaths out as he forces himself to refocus on what still needs to be done. "Check the call list on his phone when you find it, then search the house more closely for any signs of trouble while Tony and I help Ducky get him off the floor."

She quickly disappears to check through the house.

******NCIS******

Ducky closes his phone even as he reaches for the door handle. "Come, Sarah, your brother has fallen and is possibly injured."

"Fallen? Where?" Sarah asks in what can only be an oncoming brush with panic.

"In the restroom, I'm afraid. Come, let's get to him" The elderly man keeps his voice soothing in an effort to calm her down.

Silence descends as together they walk to the house, their steps as hurried as they can be without running. Sarah and Ducky head straight for the bathroom where Gibbs found Tim. The first sight of him causes them to draw sharp breaths, their heartfelt cries almost in tandem.

Ziva hasn't been gone long when Ducky and Sarah arrive on the scene, heralded by Sarah's pained gasp. "Oh, God! Tim!"

And Ducky's, "Oh, Timothy!"

Ziva appears from the back of the house, making a beeline for Sarah. "Sarah. Call his phone so we can locate it, please?"

"Uhm, sure." Tim's sister murmurs while stepping towards the Israeli woman even though her eyes can't seem to leave her brother's inert form.

Seeing the same still figure as Gibbs had before him, Ducky reaches out to Tim's neck, needing to feel for himself that sign of life and sighs with relief when finding the pulse.

Tony watches silently as he arrives back in the doorway behind Sarah.

In complete silence, the M.E. proceeds to check the fallen man's blood pressure and temperature before putting his instruments back into the bag he's brought with him and taking the time to run his hands up and down limbs and rib section, checking for obvious breaks.

Finding none, he rises back to his feet with Gibbs' assistance and looks at his long-time friend.

"Jethro, as soon as I assess his condition I will need your assistance in moving him to the bed where he can be better looked after. "

"Tony and I will move him, Duck." The Team Leader reassures him. There's no way he'll let the older man strain himself when there are plenty of younger strong hands to do the heavy lifting.

Even with obvious signs he's splashed his own face with water, Tony's eyes focus on that of his teammate's face as he moves in to help lift him up off the floor. "Why is he so white?"

Ziva, who has now returned from her task, looks down at Tim at Tony's question, taking in Tim's chalk white face, almost as if he were dead. "Ducky, he is alive, yes?" Ziva questions loudly as her heart hammers in her chest.

"Yes, my dear. Timothy is merely sleeping that of an exhausted man. I'm afraid whatever brought him to this state also robbed him of any strength to help himself, which has left him without any resources to keep up his normal strength. He has no broken bones that I can tell and his blood pressure is normal, so it is safe to move him. As soon as we can locate the bedroom, we shall be able to determine if that is best to move him to or if the sofa would be better suited."

"Uhm, the bedroom's right next door, Dr. Mallard. It's a queen size bed so there's plenty of room for you to lay him down." Sarah volunteered quietly while her eyes remained fixed on her phone as she pushed the button to dial her brother's phone

The somewhat muffled ringing of the still un-located cell phone from somewhere close startles them all. Evidently, it has been that close to him all this time and he hadn't been able to answer points to the cabinet under the sink just a foot away from Tim's head."Sounds like it's coming from there."

"Why would he put his cell phone in the cupboard?" Ziva questions in confusion.

"Probably hurt his head hearing it ring." Sarah advises quietly. "I'm surprised he didn't turn it off."

"Is your brother prone to migraines, my dear?" Ducky asks as he looked at her.

"Once in a blue moon." She replies. "He's got a prescription for them, but rarely takes it since he stopped getting them with any regularity a while back."

"Why isn't this in his records?" Ducky inquires.

"I'm not sure. I thought it was." The young woman replies with surprise.

Gibbs looks at Ziva and nods towards her phone.

"I will call Vance and inform him of what we have discovered." Ziva provides her understanding of his silent instruction.

"Ask h…" The boss begins to instruct her, only to be interrupted before he's done.

"If this migraine situation is in McGee's , Gibbs."Ziva smiles softly as she steps outside to make the call.

Sarah takes herself to the kitchen and begins making coffee. She doesn't have to look to find where things are; she knows because she and Tim have been to this place a dozen times in their lives; actually co-own it now; thanks to their maternal grandparents who'd left it to the siblings in their will. Keeping her hands busy making coffee and setting up the mugs and sugar, Sarah's mind runs full-steam ahead.

Tim will be extremely pissed to find his personal need for complete space away from NCIS and all the people there who have hurt him and betrayed his trust, invaded by those very same people. Still, she couldn't have gotten him up off the floor like the men are doing now and she couldn't have medically helped him come back from the intense migraine that had obviously taken him down, as Dr. Mallard is now doing.

While she's still extremely pissed at them all, most especially Abby and Agent DiNozzo, she can't help but feel grateful for at least Dr. Mallard. Agent Gibbs is still as bad as Abby, in her book, but Agent Da'vid is barely an irritant to her and she is quickly losing all anger she has felt towards the other woman, watching her do what she can to be helpful, despite Sarah's obvious displeasure with her presence here. Maybe, just maybe, she can talk Tim into seeing things a little less negatively. But there'll be time for that later. Right now, the only thing that matters is making sure Tim recovers from the migraine.

Blinking hard, she comes back from her musings and realizes her brother will need some water to drink. Knowing Tim will have stocked the refrigerator with whatever food and drinks he'd need while he was here, she has no doubt she'll find the bottled water he prefers to drink in the refrigerator. Sure enough, she finds plenty and takes one before heading back to the bedroom. Walking into the room, she's surprised to find Dr. Mallard the only one there. "Where did the others go?" She asks.

"They have done what was needed for Timothy. Since there is nothing further they can do for his medical situation and have no other reason to stay uninvited, they have started back to D.C."

"They're driving back?" she asked incredulously.

"Yes, my dear. They are." Ducky admitted to her quietly. "As for myself, I shall stay here until I am certain that Timothy is completely on his way to being alright again."

"And Agent Da'vid?" Sarah questioned.

"She too has returned with her teammates."

"So, they just left us here?"

"They are as unwilling to violate Timothy's request to be left alone as Director Vance was. Even I do not wish to go against his wishes in this way. Only the need to insure his well-being has prevented me from leaving. Well, that and the realization that you, my dear, shall also need transportation back to D.C." Ducky gently admonishes her.

"Oh. I guess that makes sense. I guess I just didn't think they'd just come out here to check on him and then leave so soon." Her reply is quiet and full of disappointment,

"My dear, we were all under the distinct impression that you were most unhappy with their presence here to begin with. I'm afraid I do not understand your disappointment."

Sarah huffs out a deep breath, "Me neither, Dr. Mallard. Me neither. Have you gotten Tim to wake up at all? Is he really okay?"

"Timothy is simply sleeping deeply, as his body obviously has allowed him to do. Since his vital signs are well within normal range and he is not running a fever, I do not wish to disturb his rest. I do, however, believe we should wake him in an hour or so and get him to eat something and drink at least one of those bottles of water."

"So, he's really okay."

"I promise you, your brother is fine now. Why don't we adjourn to the living room and allow him to sleep?"

"I'm gonna go clean up the mess." She supplies as she heads toward the bathroom and the overturned trashcan as well as the messy puddle where Tim had obviously gotten sick once or twice.

"Allow me to help, my dear." Ducky insists. As they labor, the silence grows with an uncomfortable feel and the M.E. is soon once again trying to reach out to Sarah and explain where at least _he_ has gone wrong with her brother.

"Sarah. We on Team Gibbs are all guilty, at some point or another, of dis-regarding your brother's safety and well-being, I'm afraid. However, that does not mean we do not care deeply about him. It simply means we are human and have succumbed to bad decisions with little thought where there should have been much more."

"So, you think Tim should just forgive and forget?" Sarah asks as she leads the way back out to the kitchen.

"Oh, I do not presume to tell anyone how to feel, my dear." Ducky contradicts. "I'm simply asking that you allow Timothy to handle this in his way instead of subjecting him to the added burden of your anger as well."

"Hmmm." Sarah replies as she turned her attention to fixing them some dinner. "I guess I can work on that."

*****NCIS*****

Droning voices wake him, dragging him from the depths of fuzzy nothingness that had swept him away from the relentless pain he'd been chained to the last time he was a minute, he looks around as he opens his eyes. Even in the dimly lit room with the shades down, Tim realizes he's in his grandparents' bedroom at the cottage.

With that realization comes questions. _How had he gotten to the bedroom? Whose voices is he hearing? How long has he been sleeping? _

Almost as if reading his mind and before he can blink, the voices stop outside his bedroom door and almost immediately, the wonderfully familiar sound of his sister's voice quietly fills the air as Sarah walks into the room. carrying a tray with glasses and a tea kettle.

"Alright, big brother, rise and shine. Ducky says you've slept enough and now you need to eat."


	4. Chapter 4

The drive back to D.C. is a long and quiet one. Even the changing of drivers goes off with merely a silent handing over of the keys from first Tony, then Ziva and finally Gibbs, each after an hour behind the wheel and only when they stop for coffee, gas or necessities otherwise needed. No one, it seems, wants to talk about what they'd walked into or what they've been forced to leave behind.

Since the rented car is due back at the car rental place in D.C. by early the next afternoon, it gives them time to stop for the night, yet no one makes any mention of it, choosing instead to keep on going. It's as if they need to punish themselves or at the very least keep themselves busy.

Having had the foresight to set their phones on vibrate, the blessed absence of ringing phones seems to be the only relief they've allowed themselves during the drive. It's cold and drizzling rain by the time they return to the Navy Yard to retrieve their own vehicles. Emotionally drained, the only communication is a silent wave here and a nod or two there, before once again, they're sitting in their own vehicles, each headed home. It's been a very difficult day.

******NCIS******

_"Alright, big brother, rise and shine. Ducky says you've slept enough and now you need to eat."_

"Sarah? Wha…What are you doing here?" Tim asks in quiet surprise as he sits up with all the grace of an infant gazelle, the lingering tendrils of pain stubbornly clinging to the inside of his head preventing him from raising his voice any higher.

"How are you feeling, Tim?" Sarah answers his question with one of his own.

Stubbornly, Tim bypasses her question to ask her another. "What's Ducky got to do with you being here? When did you start calling him that?"

"Boy, for someone who just woke up from a really long nap, you sure have a lot of questions." Sarah quips glibly, trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness at the questions, knowing he's not going to like the answers.

"Can you just answer them, please?" Tim sighs wearily as he lets his head fall back to the wall with a quiet thump. _God, he's still so tired! Damned stubborn pain won't go away, either._

"C'mon, Tim. Ducky says you need to eat. You can go back to sleep after you get some nutrition into you." His sister insists loudly enough to disturb him.

He frowns in her direction as shards of agony begin to touch down in his head once more. "Can you tone it down, please?"

"Hey, I just saved your butt! You think you dragged yourself up off that floor and found your own way to that comfy bed?" She protests, albeit in a softer tone.

Somehow now that he's all right, she can't help but give him the same grief they've always given each other. Besides, part of her is still running on adrenaline from having been so scared that something god-awful had happened to him while he was out of touch. Now, seeing him so obviously exhausted, confused and still showing signs of being in pain settles her right back down into feeling sorry for him and she goes silent, waiting for whatever it is he says next.

In the wake of Sarah's sudden lapse into silence, Tim closes his eyes and lets his thought process catch up to the tidbits of information she's given him. They're filling in the gaps in his memory; answering his as yet unasked questions. The peace and quiet is relaxing enough that his mind goes blissfully blank for a time.

The silence drags on until she's convinced he's gone back to sleep. "Tim?"

Wearily, he opens his eyes and looks over at her without speaking.

"I knew you were upset, but you really should have told me how bad it was before you let it get you so bad it progressed into one of your migraines." She gently reprimands him.

"What happened?" He wants to know; there are still too many holes in what he remembers of the past few days.

"You didn't answer your phone for 2 days."

"Two days?"

"Yeah. Two days. You scared the hell outta me, Tim. I didn't know what else to do."

"So you went to NCIS." He surmises without raising his voice.

"I didn't have any other choice."

Tim nods. "I know. Thank you."

"Hmm. Don't thank _me_, thank Director Vance. And Ducky and Ziva." A heartbeat later she adds with obvious reluctance, "And Tony and Gibbs."

Closing his eyes again, this time in frustration, he sighs. Giving himself a few breaths of stress-free air, he opens his eyes and looks at her with all the sincerity he can muster at the moment, because he truly is grateful. "If you hadn't worried, none of them would have either, so thank you.

"You're welcome."

"Ducky I understand, but why _all_ of them, Sarah?" The question is quiet, non-accusatory and filled with obvious genuine curiosity and even a twinge of regret.

"Because they're a package deal?" She quips with a shrug of her shoulders as if to say he should already know this about his team.

When he doesn't so much as crack a smile, she gives him what he's obviously asking for; a serious answer.

"Because, they weren't about to let Ducky come with me without being able to make sure the house was safe; that you weren't in danger."

Again Tim nods; perfectly understandable and genuinely a page out of the book of protocol. Absolutely nothing he can find fault with. And since they did come a hell of a long way just to make sure he was okay, he really has no business even thinking about being upset about any of this. After the way he just bailed on the Agency and the team…. No, he can't think like that. But he has been a Field Agent for too long to think they would have handled this any other way. But…?

"Your team left right after they got you up off the floor and Ducky told them you'd be fine with some rest and food."

"If they left, then…" He questions, refusing to let this be the time or place she finds out he's transferred off the team.

"Ducky's still here. He wanted to give you a once-over when you woke up and make sure you really are alright." Sarah patiently explains. "Now, enough questions already. You need to eat and rest. Ducky's orders."

Almost as if he feels the need to prove that no such fuss is needed, Tim swings his feet over the edge of the bed to the floor.

"Wait, no, Tim! You do NOT need to get up!" Sarah is not happy. She knows after battling a migraine, her brother usually needs to sleep much longer before the residual pain subsides enough for him to be able to bypass the dizziness and stand under his own steam.

Grimacing at her tone that sends the jackhammers back out to play in his head, Tim stops moving.

Instantly, Sarah is contrite; hating herself for obviously causing her brother more pain. "I'm sorry." She calms down. "Here, let me just get Ducky. You stay right there." She orders quietly as she heads to the door.

"No." Tim strident argument stops her on a dime and she whips around to glare at him, forced to watch him struggle to his feet. He remains locked into place while he holds onto the bedpost with all his weakened might.

"Tim, stop being so stubborn. He's concerned about you! "Sarah turns back around and resumes her trek to the door.

"Why now?" Tim mutters as he attempts to move again, only to quickly grab once again at the bed post. It's obvious his body is not cooperating with his stubborn mindset. He frowns even as he feels a sliver of relief that his sister is so intent on her mission that she's not looking at him in this moment of weakness.

"And he's got the expertise you… what did you just say?" Sarah stops and turns to stare at him.

"Forget it." Tim mutters. "I'm fine. Tell him he doesn't have to stay any longer."

"He's waiting until you can be left alone again. I need a ride back to D.C. too, you know. He might as well check you over while he's here." Sarah informs him almost angrily as if she's upset with him because she feels obligated to stay until Ducky's convinced he can go.

"I told you, I'm fine. You can go." Tim's voice has risen but it's the vice-like grip he maintains on the bedpost that belies his words. It doesn't matter. They obviously don't want to be here and he's never been one to hold anyone against their will. They should just go. He'll be fine.

"Boy, be grateful why don't you?" Sarah snipes.

Again sighing out loud, Tim remains silent on that remark. He doesn't know how else to let his appreciation be known. It's obvious he's sounding more grumpy than appreciative and he knows he needs to quit before he makes it worse.

His silence makes it obvious to his sister that his world is still off-kilter. Feeling for him, Sarah refrains from saying anything, choosing instead to give him a moment of blessed silence as she remains by the door.

Finally, after what seems like forever, Tim opens his eyes and moves away from the bed. "Sarah, you know that I appreciate everything you did. What all of you did; to help me. But I can't give you more than that right now. "

Hearing the dejection in his tone and seeing the vulnerability in his eyes, his little sister nearly cries for him. Instead, she retraces her steps and wraps her arm around his waist. "You don't have to take care of everyone else anymore. Tim. Right now, you just take care of you."

"I'm trying. I am."

"That why you don't want Ducky or I to stay? You think you can't ask for our help?"

Tim shakes his head. "No. I just don't want anyone else putting their lives on hold for me. Especially if they're ready to go anyway."

"Tim, I didn't mean for you to think we don't want to be here for you." Sarah tries to amend her meaning. We're both here because we want to be and we'll stay as long as you need us."

Tim shakes his head slightly. "It's okay. I'm fine or at least, I will be after some more rest and a hot shower; not necessarily in that order."

"Even if you are okay physically, you have to admit you're in a rough place right now. I know you, big brother. If you do this, send Ducky away without talking to him, you'll find a way to feel guilty about it sooner or later; probably sooner rather than later. What will be the good in that? You've already got plenty to think about up in that head of yours." She pushes with a full dose of tough love. "The last thing you need to do is make things worse between yourself and this team of people you care so much about."

Having painstakingly and slowly taken steps toward the door where she remains standing, Tim stops in the doorway, reaches out with his free hand and latches on to the door frame. Holding it tightly, he fights to regain his breathing in a suddenly spinning world. Even as his physical discomfort plagues him, his sister's words wrestle with his conscious decision to not speak to the M.E. She's right and he knows it.

As soon as the spinning stops and he only sees one door in front of him, Tim lets go of the door frame and glances down at Sarah. "You're right. I'll talk to him."

"Good!" She lets go of him and steps back in anticipation of his heading in the direction of the main part of the house.

He offers her a small smile. "_After_ I take a shower."

******NCIS******

Tiredly walking toward his couch at nearly one in the morning, Gibbs is still trying to cool down even as he paternally covers his surrogate daughter with a blanket. He hadn't expected to find her here when he got home and hadn't been prepared to deal with her. She'd surprised him, though; her abject apology and tear-filled eyes begging for his forgiveness that just couldn't wait.

He'd patiently waited her out, heard her spiel of self-discovery and realization in regard to her bad choices and bad behavior where Tim was. Then he'd hugged her and let her know he was proud of her for allowing herself to do the soul searching and being willing to admit her culpability in the mess. Afterwards, he'd firmly told her it was too late for her to be driving home and to get some sleep on his couch because tomorrow would be here soon enough bringing with it yet another work day.

Now, he sits in the after-midnight solitude, his own thoughts running amuck through the minefield they've helped create. His question to Ducky just yesterday, coming back to him now with painful sharpness.

"_Am I gonna get him back?"_

******NCIS******

Waking up with the sun cheerily shining down on him through the gaps in the curtains of the bedroom window, Tim grimaces at the glare and turns away from it. Going back to sleep is not even plausible now. Easing himself into an upright sitting position he stuffs a pillow behind his head and lays his head back, not yet ready to move beyond that much exertion.

Just as he's expected, the dull throbbing in his head is being stubborn about leaving, meaning yet another day of nothing but rest and quiet and those yucky pain pills. This is so not what he had in mind when he asked for this time off! How's he supposed to do any serious thinking with his head hurting like this?

"Tim, you up?"

His sister's almost quiet voice startles him out of his silent musings and he clears his throat so he can answer. "Come on in, Sarah."

Opening the door, Sarah smiles softly at him. "Hey. Brought you some breakfast." She turns and picks up the food tray from the nearby hall table, coming into the room with it.

"Thank you."

"So, how're you feeling? From the looks of it, it's still hanging on, huh?"

"Yeah."

"You really should let Ducky check you over again. This isn't normal for you."

Tim thinks about what she's said for a minute. Thinking back on his history of migraines, their rarity and ferocity, their patterns with him, he realizes she's right. What few he's had and the length of time between them has made them all the more memorable. They're usually not bothering him like this by now. Slowly nodding his head, he acknowledges that she's right.

"Good. So, then, after you eat?"

"Yeah."

"He'll be glad to hear it. We were worried when you fell asleep after your shower last night. We thought you'd at least be able to stay up long enough to talk to Ducky."

Sarah's tone is concerned, although calm. She knows there's no need to be upset about the way things turned out. Besides, she has enough faith in her brother's character to know that he'll work it out for himself without purposefully hurting anyone else. _Huh. When did she start worrying about their feelings as much as his? Wow. Guess seeing them come running all this way to his rescue has turned a new light on the subject. Who would have known?_

"Guess not, huh?" Tim hedges as he glances at her briefly before looking down at his food. He's not thrilled that his body showed his vulnerability like this, but he knows he can't help it. It isn't anything he's done or that he can undo. Almost completely void of energy, he lifts the fork full of fluffy scrambled eggs to his mouth and silently begins to work his way through his breakfast.

******NCIS******

"Ziva Da'vid." She growls into her phone as it wakes her from her first full night of rest in a while

"_Hey, Ziva Da'vid. Let's do breakfast." _

Tony's faux cheerfulness pulls the last vestiges of sleep away from her and she sits up in bed, using her free hand to manhandle her free swinging hair away from her face. "Where are you?"

"_Knocking on your door." _

The subsequent knocking startles her and she's up off the bed, racing to the door before she can even think to slow down. Since her alarm clock has not yet gone off, she's sure it's way too early for this and doesn't want her neighbors to complain.

Whipping the door open, Ziva snags Tony by the coat sleeve and pulls him into her apartment, swiftly closing the door behind him, sliding the bolt in place. "What time is it?"

"0600." Tony's nonchalant answer puts a frown on her face.

"And you chose to do this at this hour why exactly?" Ziva grumbles as she makes her way to her kitchen, leaving him to catch up or not.

"Thought we could use the time to, I dunno, brainstorm, maybe." Tony's tone has changed and his real motivation is clearly written all over him.

"Tony. Sit." She patiently encourages him, no longer upset with his unexpected early phone call or his arrival on her doorstep. Pouring them both a cup of coffee from her thankfully preset coffee maker that has just finished brewing, she joins him at the kitchen counter where he has taken a seat. "I understand that you feel the need to fix this with McGee."

"But you don't." Tony surmises unhappily.

"I do not believe any of us are very good magicians."

"Meaning you're not even willing to try to fix this mess." Tony accused her as he picked up his cup and sucked down a huge swallow full. Setting the cup down with a bang, he rises to his feet. "Thanks for that, Ziva." Turning on his heel, he heads out of her kitchen.

"Tony!"

Wearily he sighs and turns back, the pain of his team falling apart before his eyes written all over him. "What?"

"I merely meant that I do not hold out so much hope that my heart will crush in the failure. Only enough hope to help me do what I can to try."

Tony scrutinizes her for a long silent minute, obviously thinking about what she's just said. After a minute, he's nodding. "I hate it, but you're right. All we can do is try."

"The question remains, how do we begin?" Ziva reminds him as she pecks him on the cheek and heads to her bedroom to get ready.

"Wish I knew." Tony mutters. Raising his voice so she can hear him, he calls out. "Hey, see you at work!"

"Wait and I will drive in with you!" She calls out to him.

"Only if I'm driving!" He hollers back.

"I will let you. This time!"

Tony chuckles. _Yeah, right. This time._

******NCIS******

"Thanks, Duck." Gibbs snaps his cell phone closed and takes a drink of coffee from his mug. He's worried now since the M.E.'s just called to update him on Tim's migraine. Apparently, the kid's still in pain and according to Sarah McGee, this is the longest any of his migraines have ever held on. Something to worry about?

Ducky seems to think so, if it's not completely gone by tomorrow. The wise man has insisted on staying until he can be sure, promising to take Tim to a doctor if things are not improved by tomorrow. This means another day without the Medical Examiner. He seriously hopes they don't get an active case murder case today. The last thing they need is Ducky's loyalty divided or even his concerns. One situation at a time would be a nice change of pace for them all.

Glancing at the clock, Gibbs is surprised that it's after six. He's usually at his desk by now. Snatching up his keys and everything else he needs, he heads to the living room to check on his guest. Surprisingly enough, Abby's dressed and heading toward him.

"Thanks for letting me stay last night, Gibbs. I gotta run now so I can get to work on time."

"Anytime, Abbs. Just maybe not quite so late on a work night next time, huh?" He teases her with a slight grin.

Although she doesn't outright chuckle or even grin, the light in her eyes does go a little brighter as they walk out to their cars together in silence. "See ya!" She's in her car and gone before he can think to ask if she wants to ride in with him.


	5. Author's Note

_**A/N: **I humbly apologse for the lack of update on this story._

_No, it has not been forgotten._

_However, it has presented me with a huge case of Writer's Block. - Oops, guess I just let that lacking plot bunny out of the bag._

_I promise to keep at it - will not give up on it._

_Your patience and anticipation is greatly appreciated._

_Again, I do aplogise._

_Sincerely:_

_your humble story-teller._


	6. Chapter 5

_A/N: Your patience with my writer's block is greatly appreciated._

_Short - chapter here - without a lot of momentum - just yet._

* * *

_"…We were worried when you fell asleep after your shower last night. We thought you'd at least be able to stay up long enough to talk to Ducky."_

_"Guess not, huh?" _

Having eaten all that he can stomach for the time being, Tim lays his head back against the headboard of his bed with a soft 'thump' as he remembers the short exchange he had with Sarah last night. Even the little bit of physical activity involved in eating a meal seems to have drained what little strength he's regained through all the sleep he's gotten in the last 24 hours but he knows he needs to try to shake this off - just as soon as he rests for a minute.

Sarah looks at her big brother, his eyes still closed against the stubborn remnants of the worst migraine he's ever had. He's barely eaten anything on the breakfast tray she's brought him and he's even left the orange juice untouched. Looking at him now, it's as if he's got no energy whatsoever and that scares her. Seeing him like this shakes her cocoon seriously enough that for the first time in her young adult life, the fact that Tim is not indestructible is so obvious, it makes her heart bleed for him. Why has she never noticed this before? He's just as able to be hurt as she is and the pain he's tried so hard to hide over the years had to have been much deeper than he'd allowed her to see mere glimpses of.

Sure those glimpses have been enough to keep her on guard and even angry with most of his team, but somehow, never enough to take a second look at what he wasn't saying. Until now.

"You okay?" Sarah questions with an obvious thread of worry in her tone.

"Yeah. Just tired." He's quick to offer, not wanting her to worry needlessly. It's bad enough she's been through the wringer on his behalf and he refuses to put her through anything else. "Don't you have school?"

"Tomorrow." She answers quietly as she picks up his breakfast tray. "I'll be back in a little while – go on and rest now."

Breathing out on a sigh, his "thanks" almost goes unheard.

"Want me to call Mom to come stay with you?"

"No. Don't give her anything to worry about." Tim requests with enough strength in his tone that she knows he's serious. "Let her enjoy her retirement in peace. She's earned it."

"Okay. But, you know she could be here quickly. While you're here at Kure Beach, she's just a little over two hours away."

"I know and I might take a ride down to Myrtle Beach to see her before I head back. But until then, I don't want her being called, Sarah. Please." Tim's eyes open as he beseeches his sister to agree with him.

"Okay. Relax, I'm not gonna go against you on this. Get some rest."

This time, Tim nods, his energy depleted enough that he can't even muster enough to offer a verbal response.

With a frown on her face and matching worry in her eyes, Sarah retreats from the room, leaving the door open so the noise of closing it won't disturb Tim's rest.

As the silence his sister's departure leaves behind grows, Tim can't help but cast his brain waves back over the advice she'd given him the night before, hearing it again, as if she's just spoken it herself:

_"Even if you are okay physically, you have to admit you're in a rough place right now. I know you, big brother. If you do this, send Ducky away without talking to him, you'll find a way to feel guilty about it sooner or later; probably sooner rather than later. What will be the good in that? You've already got plenty to think about up in that head of yours. The last thing you need to do is make things worse between yourself and this team of people you care so much about."_

Opening his eyes, Tim sighs. He'd promised to talk to the older man then and he knows he really needs to do so. Maybe now is as good a time as any; especially, if his two visitors can be expected to get back home soon. Staying here isn't fair to either of them since Ducky has work and Sarah has school. _Not to mention, I came here to pull myself together without an audience. Guess Murphy's Law is a joke on me. Again._

Tim gets to his feet slowly; determination and caution mixed together in his efforts as his mind thinks briefly on the old adage, '_Whatever can go wrong, will'_. The light through the curtains lets him see that it's an overcast day without the bright shining sun to worry him or worsen his headache. _Thank goodness for that._

Making his way slowly down the hall in a silent search for the M.E., Tim finds his 'go bag' where he left it on the dining room table and retrieves his sun glasses from the side pocket just to be on the safe side. He knows he needs the fresh air but doesn't want to risk a return of the painful last few days.

Sliding the shades onto his head, he takes a minute to breathe in deeply and let it back out slowly, as if testing to see if the pain in his head is waiting to pounce on him again. He's relieved when he feels none. Casting his eyes around him, he spies his sister silently studying in the comfortable recliner in the living room and behind her, just beyond the double patio doors, he sees the man he's looking for already seated in one of his beloved grandmother's lounge chairs, enjoying the late morning air, despite the cloud filled sky.

He smiles softly in Sarah's direction but does not disturb her as he makes his way to the doors. Stepping outside, he's quick to smirk when he realizes that Ducky is in fact, napping. Thankful for the break this affords him, he quietly descends the porch steps and treks further out toward the ocean, caught up in enjoying the sights and sounds of vacationing on the waterfront for the first time in more years than he can remember.

Determined to relax, he shoves all of his thoughts and concerns under the lid of his control, choosing to let only the blank slate of relaxing calmness reside in their place. With a small smile of happiness he casts his eyes up and down the beach before him, wondering what treasures he'll find on this solitary stretch of golden warm sand. Before long, he's lost in his escape, not even thinking of time or troubles as he stops here and there along his trek to unearth the rest of what's sticking up in the sand; a treasure hunt of the most benign without a care in the world, so long as the mood remains unchallenged. Time has no place here and neither does it try to intrude.

*******NCIS*******

"He's been out there a while." Sarah reminds Ducky as the older man returns to the house for a refill of his iced tea some forty minutes later. She's watched him since he'd woken up a good half hour ago. It hadn't been difficult to figure out that the older man set his eyes on her brother almost immediately and remained watchful of him, obviously still concerned for him. "Shouldn't we go get him or at least check on him?"

"Relax, my dear. Timothy is fine." Ducky reassures her with a smile as he attempts to soothe her worry. He's been watching Tim closely enough to realize that the young man has truly managed to relax. There really is no need to worry now that they've managed to get the young man to eat and sleep and his pain to ease greatly. It feels good to be able to relay that to the young man's little sister. "He's simply doing what he's come here to do; unwind at his own pace. Obviously, he's feeling better and that is what's important, hmm?"

"Yeah. You're probably right. "She admits. "Guess I should go pack my stuff and get myself a cab to the airport."

"Why on earth would you go through such expense when I am perfectly capable of driving you in the rental car?" The Medical Examiner is surprised, to say the least. He hadn't realized the young lady was so anxious to return to her dorm room.

Shaking her head, she lets him in on her concern. "I know you're not familiar with the area, Ducky. I'd hate for you to get lost trying to do that for me."

"Why don't we table this discussion for the time being? At least until Timothy feels he is on the mend enough that he can be left in peace."

Sarah shakes her head. "He's been saying we should go since last night and we both know he wasn't even close to ready then. I'm still gonna go pack my things since I'm pretty sure he really is ready now. Looking at him, you can't even tell he's been hit with that migraine at all"

Ducky remains silent as she walks back to her room, his eyes returning to the sight of Tim taking his time to enjoy the solitude on the beach. He's taken aback at the suddenness in which the young man stops in his trek and turns back to the house, his steps a little slower than they'd been a moment ago.

Retrieving a bottle of spring water from the refrigerator, Ducky returns to the back porch in time to hand the water to Tim, an almost hesitant greeting passing as the olive branch being offered. "How are you feeling, Timothy?"

Taking the time to get comfortable in the closest lounge chair, Tim finally offers his answer. "Better. But that little bit of exercise has worn me out."

"You've done remarkably well for the past hour, with this being your first excursion out of bed since you were assaulted by that dreadful migraine. I would imagine it will take you several days to regain your strength completely. It may even require a few more days after that, of more rest than you are used to before your normal energy levels return as well."

Tim nods shortly. "I'll keep that in mind. Thank you, by the way; for coming all the way out here to check on me. And for staying to make sure I was okay."

"You are most welcome, lad. " Ducky is quick to quietly reassure him. "It was the very least that I could do, considering the dreadful way in which I failed you when you needed my support the most."

Tim looks away, his eyes getting lost in the relentlessness of the waves as they bully their way onto the sand just yards in front of him. He's not ready for this conversation but he knows he can't hold Ducky hostage for it just because he, himself is not comfortable addressing it yet. The man needs to get back to D.C. and keeping him here isn't acceptable or even what he wants.

Taking Tim's body language at face value, Ducky gives the younger man a moment's peace to see if Tim has any desire to take this discussion where it needs to go to clear things up between them; to fix things. His patience is rewarded a short moment later when Tim looks back over at him and says what's on his mind.

"I'm still trying to understand it, I just….I can't seem to wrap my head around it. I mean… the whole… why, Ducky?" Tim finally stops trying to piece the words together and leaves it where it's most important.

Shaking his head sadly, Ducky admits the truth. "There is no excuse, Timothy. I failed you."

The silence that settles between them on the heels of the M.E.'s admission is rare yet comforting, even moreso than any rush to speak words that will be neither true or helpful at this point. Even as the silence stretches on, neither seems willing to disturb it.

Countless minutes later, Tim finally breaks it, his audible sigh giving evidence of the thinking he's been doing before he speaks. "I'm beginning to think that my getting that migraine was actually a good thing." Tim remarks unexpectedly, the audible evidence of his increasing tiredness, impossible to miss.

"Because without it, we might not have had this opportunity to talk?" Ducky offers his own interpretation of what Tim's trying to say. "

"Something like that." With a more quiet sigh, Tim lets his head fall back and his eyes close, too tired to fight his body's method of closing down physically.

"I certainly understand, Timothy. I truly am sorry that I did not do a better job of ensuring your safety and well being on the job; off it as well, I might add. For the less than respectful manner in which you have been treated by your fellow NCIS family members, myself included. I'm afraid I find myself without the words that can even come close to explaining away that which should not have been allowed to happen."

"I know it's never been your responsibility per se, Ducky - to keep us safe out in the field." Tim says quietly without opening his eyes or raising his head up off the chair. "But…."

"As the voice of medical health for Gibbs' Team, it most certainly_ is_ my responsibility; even more so when I am present at the scene. My failure to follow your instinct for precaution at that hot tub was inexcusable, Timothy. I find no fault with your reaction, whatsoever. Rest assured of that, young man."

The silence returns because Tim can't find the words that would actually help in this moment. He's uncomfortable keeping Ducky in the hot seat or letting him roast himself over this fire any longer. It's obvious that the elderly man truly feels badly about letting Tim down the way he did. But he's not sure he's ready to open himself up to yet another possibility of such a letdown at the elder man's hands, inadvertent or not. It's not easy to be sitting here touching on this subject with the one person's he's feeling most let down by, especially when he feels such a rare wave of reluctance.

So how does he explain this to Ducky? How does he assert himself without being the horrible person his sister has alluded to him turning into? What's the next step in this never before experienced parade?

"Timothy, there is no need to concern yourself with this now if you would rather not." Ducky soothingly offers as if reading his mind.

With a heartfelt sigh of relief, Tim remembers his manners enough to thank the man he's always respected and looked up to as the kindly uncle he's never had.

"Tell me, lad, do you feel on solid footing enough to resume your quest of escape?" The M.E. asks calmly, knowing it needs to be asked to ascertain what it is Tim needs now.

The returning silence speaks volumes and Ducky is quick to look over at the young man, surprised to see that the look on Tim's face is nothing short of anger mixed with disappointment.

"Escape? " Tim repeats in a tone that leaves no doubt the man's words have hit him as yet another criticism on the heels of all he's just been through with the team's uncaring attitude towards him lately. "You think I'm just running away?"

Ducky shakes his head, the sadness in his expression unmistakable. "No, Timothy. I do not."

*******NCIS*******

With the house once again silent now that the last of his company has gone back to D.C, compliments of some fancy string pulling by Vance, Tim finds himself feeling the full brunt of exhaustion once again. But, his restless mind won't let him find sleep, caught up, as it is in a mixed up myrid of emotions. Even though it's barely 7 PM, it's been an eye-opening couple of days and there's lots of new things to think about. Worried that the new developments will overshadow the problems that have brought him here to begin with, Tim frowns. Maybe tonight isn't the best time to make any decisions.

Closing his eyes in an attempt to clear his thoughts, that stubborn inner voice is refusing to be silenced as it reminds him that how he's feeling now is just the tip of the iceburg - when everything else is thrown in; the wrongly placed blame and snap judgements along with the lack of respect and unwillingness to treat him as a capable agent worthy of the badge he's earned. It's really bothering him to feel so unwilling to let Ducky off the hook but the litany of wrongs being pedaled through his thoughts yet again, makes it difficult to think rationally.

Sighing out loud, Tim gives up trying to sleep and gets out of bed, padding back to the kitchen. Once there, he pours himself a cup of coffee out of the carafe from earlier in the evening and pops it into the microwave for reheating. Allowing the hot liquid to soothe his thirst as it warms him. Why can't he put this down even long enough to sleep? Wasn't allowing it to become such a stress-filled inner thought process to the point of bringing on a migraine bad enough?

Maybe it's the realization that he has no one to talk to for help in sorting it out that's keeping it so keyed up in his thoughts. He's not used to being quite so alone like this. It's taking some serious getting used to. Deep down he's still concerned about where Vance will be transferring him when he returns to work as well, but, somehow, he trusts the man not to let his new position to be anything to do with his former team.

The question is, why doesn't that ease this feeling of bitter sadness in his chest?


End file.
